For A Few Movies More

You would have to have been living under a rock for the last five years to not know what Facebook is. But what most people don’t know is the full story of its creation and the controversy surrounding its founder, the enigmatic Mark Zuckerberg. I knew tid bits of information from an article I had read in Rolling Stone, but I certainly wouldn’t have been able to guess just how deep the rabbit hole goes on this topic.

From the very first scene, this movie ignites your intrigue and propels forth, never losing its momentum. The dialogue is sharp and punchy but still believable as some of the characters in this film are quite literally geniuses, so naturally they would have an incredible grasp of language. The cuts between the live action and impending law suit scenes really help build your anticipation for the unfolding events, whereas usually so much talking could easily bore an audience.  One of my favourite lines of dialogue comes at the end of the first scene and is delivered by Erica Albright (Mark Zuckerberg’s irate girlfriend):

“Mark, for the rest of your life you’re going to think that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. But I’m telling you right now that it’s because you’re an asshole!”

Halloween is upon us fellow boils and ghouls, and there’s no better time of year to slap in your favourite scary movie and huddle around the TV together. But what’s that, you’re looking for a slice of variety this year, are you? You’ve grown tired of re-watching John Carpenter’s Halloween every year? Well what’s wrong with you, that movie is a masterpiece! But I see, maybe you’re looking to discover some new creepy flicks that will leave your flesh crawling. Well fear not fellow minions of the night, for we are here to help narrow down your viewing choices for this October 31^st. After subjecting ourselves to numerous sleepless nights and endless debates, here they are, our top Halloween picks that we think will make your Halloween that much more spine chilling. Hope you enjoy! Oh yeah, and Happy Halloween!

I think we can all agree that in this day and age making a good trailer is sometimes just as finer art as making the film itself. The trailer needs to not only sum up the movie in under 3 minutes but it needs to be exciting and dramatic and funny and scary whilst trying to show the audience as little of the actual movie as possible. The modern cinema-going audience is so aware of films before they come out that we have developed a sense of knowing exactly what we want – people take very few leaps of faith when it comes to dishing out money at the theatre. We rely on the trailer to let us know exactly what sort of movie it is so that when we do finally actually see it, we generally know if we are going to like it or not. When we feel a trailer has been deceptive, has shown us a movie nothing like the reality, we feel cheated and angry. Trailers are the most influential factor in our movie decision-making process; especially now that we can find them not just in the cinema before a movie but at any moment via the Internet. So the question is do we rely on them too much? As studios become more and more aware of the use of trailers as a marketing tool we find fewer and fewer surprises in the movies we watch. Do modern trailers reveal too much and if so, is it our fault?

We all love our parents. Either through genuine affection, familial blood-tie forcedness, or some combination of the two, we wouldn’t be who we are without them, and we (literally) owe them our lives. Of course, there are times when they annoy us. When no matter what age you are, you revert to some kind of mopey teen and/or tyrannical toddler, and feel misunderstood, pissed off and that life is so unfair.

While looking at cinematic mums and dads trying to come up with this list, I came across scores of examples of parents from hell. You have your psychopathic parents, nagging parents, soul-crushing parents — it’s clear that bad parents are the source of many a movie or plot point. But I thought “A list of bad movie parents? That’s too easy! Such choice, such variety!” Because the truth is, bad parents are a relatively easy source of material. It’s almost too easy to chuck in a bad parent to move a story along (or even create a story to begin with). You ask anyone to name some bad movie parents and they’ll have at least one on the tip of their tongue. So instead of taking the easy way out, like the quintessential writer who suffers through their existence rather than enjoys life, here are our picks for Movie Parents We’d Like to Have.

I’m not sure I’ll ever understand the inexplicable popularity of the Resident Evil films. The quality of these films range from mediocre to awful, reviews for them are constantly terrible and there’s a legion of fanboys out there who scrutinize each instalment for straying so far from the original source material. Meanwhile films like Kick Ass, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World and Let Me In struggle to find an audience and stay afloat in the box office. It’s a strange world we live in. Anyway back to the movie, if you’re familiar with the previous instalments of the Resident Evil franchise, then you know exactly what to expect by now. There’s still tons of zombies and mutant freaks, wooden acting a plenty, and a nearly non-existent plot present, but the latest instalment of the series brings a new trademark to the franchise, an over abundance of slooooow motion. But we’ll get to that later.

This fourth instalment in the never-ending franchise based on a far superior video game series picks up right where the last film left off. Super powered Alice’s one-woman vigilante mission to rid the world of the evil Umbrella organisation has led her to Japan. The admittedly impressive opening sequence, which is such a blatant Matrix rip-off it’s insulting, ends with Alice finally losing her super, mega, ultra powers that have been a thorn in the series side for too long. Having said that, she’s still able to complete near superhero feats with relative ease, so to honest, not much really changes at all. Alice’s search for survivors eventually sees her meeting up with her old friend Claire (Ali Larter reprising her role), as well as another motley crew of survivors who find themselves holed up inside an abandoned maximum-security prison. Cue a good old-fashioned zombie siege scenario… with lots of sloooow motion.

Ah, the remake. A time-honoured Hollywood tradition, dating back even to the old silent, black and white pictures. Back when scriptwriters barely existed, and the only thing stopping you from remaking someone else’s film was, well, you. It seems like not much has changed in a hundred odd-years. A film can be an absolute masterpiece, but there will be some money-hungry douche in Burbank who gets a bright idea: “Let’s remake this — but in Space!” Thankfully, no one decided to set this remake on Saturn. And, thankfully again, the remake isn’t a horror in blasphemies towards the original. Let Me In, just quietly, is a pretty good remake. Shh, don’t let the suits know that it’s actually possible.

Let Me In is the story of Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee), a lonely kid living in New Mexico, bullied at school and not much of a concern to his in-the-process-of-divorce parents. Then Abby (Chloe Moretz), a girl just his age, moves in next door. Tentatively trying to make friends with her, Owen forms an attachment to Abby, even though she cautions him otherwise. As strange murders start occuring around town and Abby’s behaviour slowly revealing oddities as well, Owen begins to wonder what, or who, is behind all of this.

Sometimes I hate going into the movies. The opening minutes of Buried thrusts the viewer into an extended sequence of complete darkness, replicating the film’s protagonist’s sense of fear and confusion from unexpectedly waking up in a pitch-black box. The film wouldn’t have been rolling for more than thirty seconds before a couple of hilarious dudes, clearly natural comedians, started the following string of sarcastic comments (to be read in a low mocking voice, further accentuating their lack wit);

Funny Guy 1: Oh wow, this is a heaps good movie!

Funny Guy 2: Yeah! Heaps good! (They both laugh)

Short pause

Funny Guy 1: This is the best movie I’ve ever seen!

Funny Guy 2: Yeah! Heaps good! (They laugh again)

Clearly funny guy 2 lacked the creativity funny guy 1 possessed. This exchange, loud enough for the majority of the cinema to enjoy, continued on like this and unsurprisingly, nobody laughed. It wasn’t a major deal, just annoying enough to take me out of the movie before it had even begun. But on top of this, around the halfway point of the film, a dishevelled youth (well I assume he was anyway), decided it was a good idea to flick his Zippo lighter open and close, non-stop for what felt like five minutes. Thoughtful, right? I was all like, ‘I swear to god, I’m going to go down there, I SWEAR TO GOD!’ Clearly this kid sensed my waves of anger aimed at him and he eventually stopped, for a short while anyway. End rant. Now onto the movie!

After watching the Tom Shankland’s low budget horror flick The Children, I was downright pissed off. This wasn’t because the movie was bad; in fact it was the exact opposite. I was pissed because a quality title such as this can be shelved straight to DVD, with nearly no marketing behind it, while we’re subjected to endless unnecessary sequels, lacklustre remakes and just a general high quantity of garbage at the cinemas. Meanwhile, this little gem will go unnoticed by the throngs of moviegoers who would rather spend their hard earned dollars on Saw 7 or Final Destination 5 instead. That’s what pisses me off. If on the other hand you would prefer to seek out a lesser known title that will actually leave you with a sheer sense of dread throughout, or if you prefer your scares complimented by characters that you can actually care about, then The Children may be just what you’ve been looking for.

The setup is simple, two families gather on New Years Eve for a fun-filled getaway full of festivities and general good times. That is until the children start to get sick… The adults are too embroiled in their own self importance to notice just how strange their children are acting, it’s not until blood has been spilt that the parents start to comprehend the horrifying situation they’re now confronted with.

I should begin this review with an important precursor; a prologue if you will. My Spanish speaking girlfriend bought a copy of Eat, Pray, Love (el libro) and she has recently been looking to improve her English skills.

“Great! Now we don’t have to go see the movie!”

“No, we go to see movie, also!”

“I’ll tell you what, if you finish the book then I will see the movie with you.”

“Okay, but you pay.”

Cut to a week later.

“Baby, I no going to finish book.”

“Oh no! I guess we don’t have to see the movie then” (smiling)

“Yeah. But I still want to watch.”

“Okay…But you’re paying…” (not smiling)

Cut to a week later, our six month anniversary.

“Hey Baby, I’ll pay for dinner and the movie for our anniversary!”

“En Serio?! Que lindo!”

“Yeah I was gonna get jewellery but that’s too much effort.”

“Oh I want jewellery!”

“Okay, I’ll get jewellery.”

“And you still pay for the movie. And it is Gold Class”

“But…”

Moral of the story is that, though I claim to be a man’s man talking about a movie, I am severely lacking in manliness.

Guilty Pleasures are, a lot of the time, a guilty pleasure because they are connected in some way to a memory. A person you watched it with, an experience while in the cinema, or maybe where you were at a certain time in your life. When The Saint came out I was in year 10, the Internet was just starting to get really big, and I kind of had a thing for guys with longish hair. I believe all of these have contributed to my love of this movie.

The Saint tells the story of Simon Templar (Val Kilmer), a go-to guy for high-profile heists, master of disguises and accents, and all-around Cool Guy. Wanting to do his One Last Job and Get Out of the Game, Simon takes a job to steal the formula for the fabled Cold Fusion from elusive Dr Emma Russell (Elisabeth Shue). Of course, Simon succeeds in the job, but also falls for the sexy but shy scientist. Which will he choose?!