For A Few Movies More

“A crime is a crime. Either you commit a crime, or you don’t. If you do commit a crime, then you are a criminal. Surely that is logical.” – Thomas Keneally, from his stage play, “Our Country’s Good”.

Every time you put a DVD in the player, it’s the same. You can’t watch your movie without first sitting through fifty seconds of irritating footage guilt tripping you about why movie piracy is so wrong, whether you’re actually guilty of it, or not, right? Yes, it’s the “Piracy Streetpeople” campaign, that annoyingly loud, and cumbersome campaign that has been running for years now to little or no avail. It has done little, if anything, to stop movie piracy, in Australia, or anywhere else for that matter.

The films and books that you connect with when you’re a spritely little pre-teener, full of hope and driven solely by fun, are some of the purest experiences you will have with art and entertainment. You’re old enough to appreciate a good story, but not old enough for the trash of teenage lust, or the pre-tense of a budding hipster, or the decaying hope as you enter your late twenties, thirties and beyond. For myself, and countless other eighties babies, the children’s horror series Goosebumps was the perfect marriage. Combining fun and engaging writing with the supernatural, author R L Stine took us on a monthly escape with mummies, ghouls, ghosts, werewolves, witches, shrunken heads and a couple more mummies, with twists and turns, and an almost brutal ability finish each chapter teetering on a knife edge.

I couldn’t get enough (well, that is until I discovered Animorphs) so you can imagine the rush of nostalgia as I read the news that they are planning to bring Goosebumps to the big screen! My head was swirling with fond memories – admittedly most were of the joy of reading the series rather than the actual stories themselves, but I banded together with fellow FFMM writers Dean and Jason to put together a couple of our favourites which we would love to see re-imagined. We’re not sure how the film will be constructed as yet, but whether it is an amalgamation of a couple stories, one stand alone feature or even an anthology-style film, all I know is it will be awesome- or at least mildly entertaining like that TV series they did…

Read on for our picks

This one\’s a given, right? Possibly one of the most iconic Christmas movies ever, you might think an esteemed website such as ours would be above choosing the obvious, but no. We\’re all about conforming to the masses. Seriously though, It\’s A Wonderful Life may be a bit of a cliché as far as choosing Christmas movies goes, but there\’s a reason why it is so iconic and popular — because it really is a wonderful film. But in what way?

The film starts out focused on some heavenly bodies discussing the circumstances of a man named George (James Stewart). Apparently he\’s about to kill himself, and they decide to send down a second-class (as yet wingless) angel to help him get back on the right path. We follow George\’s life from when he was a child, saving his brother, losing his hearing, working at the local drugstore, to growing up working at his father\’s company, and marrying the-girl-that-was-there-all-along Mary (Donna Reed), plus all inbetween. And we watch as this wonderful young man time and time again gets thwarted from his lifelong dream of travelling the world, and his spirit and character gets chipped away. His life and bad luck finally collide one Christmas eve when he comes upon the realisation that he is financially worth more dead than alive, and that killing himself may solve everyone\’s problems. Enter Clarence (Henry Travers) the would-be angel who, A Christmas Carol-style, shows George a different point of view on what life would be like without him, and tries to get George to realise his own self-worth.

The spirit of Christmas is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot come end of year celebrations. What does it really mean? Does it mean be loving to your family? Be cruel to your credit card? Or is simply a reminder to go to church for the second time that year? Personally I love Christmas and always have. I loved the idea of Santa even when I stopped believing. I loved the presents – initially receiving them, but more recently I love giving them. And my favourite sight at this time of the year is a big Christmas tree in the living room with a big collection of presents.

But let’s face it: Christmas has become a money spinning holiday, twisted to the will of a bottomless pit of consumer culture. From Santa to Jesus there is commercial interest attached and that most definitely encompasses the seasonal cinematic sub-genre. When it comes to understanding the spirit of Christmas there is no greater propaganda machine than Hollywood. And when it comes to striking that fine balance between Western greed and genuine holiday cheer there is no better movie at defining “Christmas spirit” than Miracle on 34^th Street.

Wait a moment! You’re thinking. That’s not a Christmas movie! Is it? Quite correct. It is not. But then, technically neither is “Home Alone”. It is merely a movie that happens to take place at Christmas, and the same can be said of many other films. While Monty Python’s notoriously controversial tale of the misadventures of Brian of Nazareth, a simple Jew who almost surpasses John Lennon at being bigger than Jesus Christ, might be considered more of an Easter flick with its climax involving crucifixion on a hill, I feel it still counts as a Christmas film, partly due to its opening scene being a parody of the Nativity, but also due to its take on the role that organised religion plays in so many people’s lives. While many of us see Christmas as simply a nice day in December when we get to take a day off work, see the family, exchange some gifts and stuff our faces until we couldn’t move if the house caught fire, Christmas is first and foremost a religious holiday. This was Python’s target: religion and the way it controls our lives. But let us steer clear of the controversial stuff. The Pythons were good at that, I am not.

At the height of Macaulay Culkin’s fame came a sound lesson about the importance of family, as an en masse family Christmas holiday to Paris takes a turn for the worst when the parents realise they have been a tad careless in their headcount, and have inadvertently left their eight year old son at home all by himself. Children of my generation will have fond memories of splitting our sides with laughter as cute little Culkin puts the Wet Bandits (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) through hell in their quest to burgle from his home, an apparently quite lucrative target. This was, of course, the important part, with the lesson in the importance of family being a conveniently wholesome housing for a riotous rollercoaster ride of sight gags and amusing injuries. But never mind that… the film was a huge hit, and went down in history as an instant classic, and the defining point of Culkin’s career, then considered to be America’s greatest child star since Shirley Temple, before he went on to do forgettable flops like “Richie Rich” and “Getting Even With Dad”, as his career declined.

It’s nearly Christmas once again, and you can just tell by the festive sounds in the air. The echo of carollers, the laughter of children, the Ho Ho Ho’s of department store Santas, the crackling shrieks of little green monsters as they wreak havoc upon the neighbourhood. Wait, what was that last one again? Monster movies are usually not associated with Christmas for a good reason, there’s nothing particularly jolly about watching grotesque creatures attacking people. But this is where Gremlins differs from the norm. The film is as much an ode to the holiday season as much it is a fun monster flick. Early on the film uses Christmas as a cheery backdrop to lull audiences into a false sense of security, and it works! It’s hard not to feel that joyful nostalgic feeling in your stomach as you look upon all the attractive decorations while Christmas tunes soothe your ears. But just as you begin to feel comfortable, Gremlins takes a sudden 180-degree turn and finally begins to lead up to its mischievous name.

The plot of Gremlins sees teenager Billy (Zach Galligan) receive an exceptional early Christmas gift from his father, a Mogwai named Gizmo. An adorable little fuzzy creature like no other, the Mogwai is a complacent and friendly pet, although with it comes three simple rules. Rule number one; don’t expose the Mogwai to bright lights. Rule number two; never get the Mogwai wet. And rule number three, never, ever feed the Mogwai after midnight. Of course Billy proceeds to break all three of these rules, thereby releasing an army of angry, green monsters upon his small town of Kingston Falls on Christmas Eve.

Every Christmas break for as long as I can remember ( I have a terrible memory mind you, so don’t expect much) it’s become a tradition that I partake in watching the same three “Christmas Themed” movies. This was mostly due to TV Scheduling always playing the same movies every year, but I have upheld it for quite a few years now. The three movies are National Lampoons: Christmas Vacation, Die Hard and Scrooged. Now;  Lampoon Vacation is understandable (It’s the ultimate family Christmas movie) and Die Hard is Die Hard, which should be watched at any given time, for any given reason on any given day, because if I could change my face it’d just be a symbolic representation of Die Hard (I’ll find a way to make it work) but why Scrooged? It’s just that silly Bill Murray movie with Bobcat going postal, isn’t it? Well it’s a little more than that to me under the surface.

Scrooged is a modern (Well 1988 modern) Re-telling of the Dickens’ Classic “A Christmas Carol” It uses it as a trope to intertwine between the two parallel recounts of the story. One: the TV stations “Live” version and the second:  Frank Cross’ own personal story. Everyone knows the story – Mean old man who gets visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future in order to reflect on his mannerisms and interactions with friends and family and what he must do to alter things for the better. A true “Aesop-esque” fable presented well.

Ah Christmas, it’s the time of year that brings me back to my childhood, remembering those mornings I would wake up early and sneak a peek a the tempting presents sitting under the tree. But besides the nostalgic memories and sweet present receiving, Christmas is about family. Even the most cynical and jaded individual should be able to look past the consumerist nature of the holiday and appreciate being able to share an enormous feast with their nearest and dearest. However, family time doesn’t always equal a good time, a point that National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation drives home. At its heart this is a film is about a father trying to have the greatest Christmas of all time with his family, but as is the way with the comedies, this noble plan doesn’t quite go as planned.

A continuation of the Griswold family’s adventures that started with National Lampoon’s Vacation and continued in National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Christmas Vacation sees the world’s most dysfunctional family return to systematically destroy Christmas for themselves and everyone around them. Things start out straightforward enough, with Clark Griswold kicking his plan to have a “good, old-fashioned Christmas” into action by attempting to cut down a Christmas tree with his own two hands for the first time. Unfortunately even this simplest of tasks soon turns into a disaster. With the perfect tree located, it suddenly dawns on Clarke that he has forgotten to bring anything to cut it down with. His solution? To tear from the ground roots and all. With the roots hanging out of the tree and his family suffering hypothermia, Clark continues on his quest for the perfect Christmas. Unfortunately for his family but fortunately for the viewer, things get much, much worse from there.

What’s that? Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie you say? Wrong! If anything it’s one of, if not the best Christmas movie ever made. The year is 1988, George Bush Snr became President, Roy Orbison passes away, while Rihanna is born (Figure that out) and the best Action movie ever made with a slight Christmas underlying theme was released in the States in the middle of July.

For the three people out there that haven’t seen the original movie (We’re heading  up to five now) it’s about a tough, hard-headed New York City Cop: John McClane (Bruce Willis) who flies to Los Angeles to attempt to patch things with his estranged Wife Holly Gennaro (Bonnie Bedelia) at Christmas time. Unbeknownst to them a group of terrorists led by the suave and conniving Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) and his European crew take hold of the building in which they reside, holding the employees hostage. They want the $640 Million dollars in the vault; McClane just wants a peaceful holiday.